


crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out

by darkrosemind



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy's feelings about LOVE, F/F, F/M, Growing Up, Realization of Feelings, bi character(s), bi tag, peraltiago is endgame, the nine-nine - Freeform, young Amy Santiago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkrosemind/pseuds/darkrosemind
Summary: Growing up, Amy Santiago has hated every aspect of "little boy pulling little girl's ponytail." She hates it. It's far too real for her, because the boys in her elementary, middle, and high schools are morons, and she hates almost all of them. She just wants to meet someone who'll treat her RIGHT, the way she deserves to be treated.It's Jake Peralta. It always has been. He's perfect for her. She loves him.





	crush culture makes me wanna spill my guts out

**Author's Note:**

> title: Crush Culture by Conan Gray

"My name is Amy Santiago. I'm nine years old, and I like to read," Amy says. Her legs are shaking as she stands at the front of the classroom. Everyone looks so much bigger than her. From the front row, a boy squints at her.

"You're _nine?_ Shouldn't you be in the _fourth_ grade and not the _fifth?_ " he asks. Many other kids nod in agreement. Amy is slightly panicking as she looks to the teacher for help.

"Amy's smart. She skipped the fourth grade," the teacher informs the class. The boy in the front snickers.

"Nerd," he mutters, and Amy skirts around his desk as she walks back to her own. The teacher tells them to open their books to page 56. Amy's not about to tell anyone, but she's already read the book that they have been assigned. If she says anything, then the boy in the front is going to leer at her even more.

As Amy gets adjusted to fifth grade, she finds the boy in the front row giving her more of a hard time. His name is Samuel, she has come to learn, but he goes by Sam. And he's _mean._

"He _likes_ you," Kylie, Amy's new friend, tells her. "He's being mean because he has a crush on you."  
Amy nearly chokes on her sandwich. "I'm sorry, _what now?"_ she mutters, downing a carton of milk. Amy quickly wipes her mouth and stares at Kylie.

"You know, little boy pulling little girl's ponytail. Except if he did that, he'd get into trouble, so he _can't_ ," Kylie says, spearing a piece of pasta on her fork. "Come on, Amy. Sam has the _biggest_ crush on you and everyone can see it."

Amy suddenly feels smaller than she had felt on her first day in the fifth grade. "Why does he have to be _mean_ if he likes me? I don't like him, not even a little bit. He's horrible," Amy says. "I'll _never_ like Sam," she declares.

"It's just how people show each other that they like each other," Kylie shrugs. "My parents fight sometimes, but they still love each other."

" _All_ married people fight sometimes," Amy says.

"But they love each other," Kylie says.

At some point, Sam leaves the school and moves away. Amy is relieved.

She goes into the sixth grade in high spirits, excited for middle school. It turns out that there is a lot more drama in middle school than in the elementary school.

"Jonah likes Abigail! But Abigail likes Michael! And Michael is planning to ask Diana to go to the dance with him!" Kylie and Amy are sitting at lunch, and as always, Kylie has all of the gossip. Amy has her math book open and a calculator out in front of her. The sixth grade dance is coming up, and it's all that everyone's talking about.

Amy bends over her math book, her hair spilling over her shoulders. She pulls it up into a ponytail and feels a sharp jab in her back. "Ow!" she says, whipping around to catch a group of boys walking away.

"I'm like ninety percent sure that Eric might ask you to the dance. I mean, I'm going with Leo, so maybe we could double date!" Kylie says. "Eric's the one who just poked you."

"I know who Eric is," Amy says, annoyed. "We're in _sixth_ grade, Kylie. We can't drive. We're not even in high school yet. Don't you think it's a little too early for dating?" Amy says, as practical as ever.

"Don't be such a spoilsport, Ames. Are you gonna say yes if Eric asks you?" Kylie asks eagerly.

"No. I'm not going to the dance. Boys are gross," Amy says fervently. "They're horrible. They don't know how to be _nice."_

It's seventh grade, and Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Amy and Kylie watch the action from a safe distance. Abigail and Michael are dating after all, and Michael brings her a teddy bear on Valentine's. Roses are taped to lockers and notes are passed under desks.

Amy just wants to concentrate on her marine biology report when her science class is interrupted by a group of people dressed in red and pink stripes and hearts.

"A singing valentine for Amy Santiago, from a secret admirer," they say, and begin to sing her a song. Amy is mortified. Kylie looks like she is about to swoon, and everyone stares at Amy. By the end of the song, she feels just slightly flattered, because it's the first time that someone has done something nice for her.

"Who do you think it was from?" Kylie asks gleefully after the class ends. Amy shrugs, clutching a thick notebook to her chest.

"I don't know. It was kinda nice though, but again, Kylie, we're still in middle school. My mother says that I can't date until high school," she says, and they stop by Amy's locker to grab her pre-algebra textbook.

"I can't wait until high school. Just think of all of the classes that they'll have to offer," Kylie says dreamily. Amy smiles.

"I can't wait either," she says, entering the classroom with Kylie. All at once, heads turn towards her and a group of boys snicker in her direction. Heat rises to Amy's face as she marches over to them. "What," she demands.

"Didn't you get my singing valentine?" a boy asks in a nasty tone. She recognizes him to be Marc Meyers, captain of the seventh grade basketball team. He isn't exactly known as nice. Amy scowls and says something vile, turning away and marching over to her desk.

"I hate boys," she says to Kylie, who has already flipped open her planner and is copying something from the board.

Kylie soberly nods. "Girls are so much better."

Eighth grade graduation is coming up, and Amy is class valedictorian. She spends her lunch periods preparing her speech, because everyone is excited about the eighth grade graduation. Her parents plus all of her brothers will be coming, and Amy wants to make them proud.

Amy is extremely thankful that Kylie will be going to the same high school as her. They have already begun poring over electives for next year, and Amy is set on taking a criminal justice class and a public speaking class. Kylie is interested in a journalism class, and Amy has convinced her to take the public speaking class with her.

"I still don't get why you're going to take all of those honors classes," Kylie says. "I'm ditching honors bio because I hate bio."

"Biology is so interesting, Kylie!" Amy protests. "It's going to be a wonderful and insightful class and I am so excited!" she says, scribbling something down on a sticky note and pushing it onto the top of her paper.

"But a lot of _work,"_ Kylie counters. "Anyways, think of all of the fun we'll have! High school is going to be _awesome,_ Amy!"

So far, this year of eighth grade has been the best for Amy so far. There haven't been any instances of horrible boys professing their love for Amy in an insufferable way. Amy is sure that she'll survive these last weeks of eighth grade.

She's wrong, of course. There's a party the day before graduation, and Amy and Kylie have loaded their plates up with treats. Amy holds her cup of punch and reaches for a chocolate chip cookie on her plate when she is rudely interrupted by a boy who was in her pre-algebra class the previous year.

"What, Robbie?" Amy says in a bored tone.

"Are you eating your cookie?"

"Uh, yeah. Duh," Amy replies, picking up her cookie. Kylie watches, intrigued by the action.

"Can I have your cookie?" Robbie says.

Amy squints her eyes at him and sets the cookie down. "There's literally two more boxes of the same exact cookie," she says, gesturing to the snacks table. He rolls his eyes.

"Well, the cookie that I want is on your plate, Amy Santiago."

The way he says her name makes Amy want to spit her punch out in his face.

"Why the hell, Robbie?" Kylie says, rolling her own eyes.

"Because I like her, that's why," Robbie says in an obvious tone. Amy gags.

"If I give you my cookie, will you go away?" Amy asks, holding up the cookie by her fingertips. Robbie shrugs.

"Yeah, sure. Anything, Santiago," he says, and winks. Amy rolls her eyes and drops her cookie in Robbie's plate. She shoos him away before turning back to Kylie.

"Thank god he's going to the other high school," Amy mutters. Kylie shakes her head and sighs.

Freshman year of high school is off to a great start, and Amy is constantly being asked by everyone in her family about her dating life since she's finally allowed to date. Her mother still seems a little bit wary about this, and her father tells her that he'll arrest anyone that hurts her. Similarly, her older brothers tell her that they'll beat up anyone who even dares to hurt their little Amy. On the other hand, her younger brothers are growing antsy to see Amy date someone so they can 'force Amy's boyfriend to play with them' and 'tease Ames about her _boyfriend,'_ followed by a lot of over-exaggerated kissing noises.

She gets asked to homecoming by a basketball player that she doesn't know very well, but he seems nice, so Amy decides to give it a shot. Her first homecoming goes wonderfully, and Dereck, the basketball player, is a gentleman.

That is until she hears him talking to the rest of the basketball team about her. She drops that relationship like a hot stone and throws out all of the sorry notes that he leaves in her locker.

Amy finds herself pining after a boy in her World History class. He's got curly brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and sometimes wears glasses while he's reading. He gets all of her Harry Potter references and sometimes helps Amy out with her homework, even though Amy doesn't really need it.

Somehow, Amy's younger brothers find out that 'Amy has a crush!' and repeatedly tease her about it until her older brothers are demanding the identity of this boy so that they can make sure he has a clean record. Amy doesn't give away Alex Wyatt's identity, of course.

She doesn't tell him that she likes him either, and soon it's too late because he's holding Rebecca Sawyer's hand in the hallway and walking her to classes.

Amy spends the rest of that year concentrating on passing finals and studying for the SATs even though they're two years away.

Sophomore year takes more of an unexpected spin. There's a mocha-haired girl in her English class with large doe eyes and olive skin, and Amy feels gravitated towards her. At first, Amy just wants to be Laura's friend, but it soon becomes more than that, through study sessions turned into sleepovers and meeting up during weekends.

At first, Kylie feels a little jealous, but she soon realizes what is happening and urges Amy to finally ask Laura out. Amy blushes and turns down Kylie's claims, even though she knows that they're true.

It turns out that she doesn't have to ask Laura out. They just sort of… happen. They refrain from holding hands or any other physical affection at school to avoid stares and comments, however.

At first, Amy's parents are confused, but they understand quickly and tell her that it is nothing to be ashamed of, and as long as she is happy, they are happy. Her brothers are all happy for her, and offer to take her to the next pride parade.

But before long, the supposed love of Amy's life is being ripped away. Laura is moving to Texas since her parents think that New York is a bad place for Laura to be. Even though Amy knows that the relationship is about to come to an end, she tries to live in the moment. They spend late nights in Amy's room, planning to run away together. Of course, they both know that it can't happen, but it's all right to dream.

Amy is heartbroken when Laura leaves. She spends the summer locked up in her room. There is nothing that any of her brothers can do to cheer her up. Her parents do their best to cook Amy's favorite meals, but it has no effect on Amy. Kylie climbs the side of the Santiago house where Amy lets her in through the window because Amy says that she "doesn't want to leave her room to answer the door because it's unnecessary."

Amy pours her concentration into studying for the SATs in junior year. She turns down three promposals, all from different boys that she doesn't even know. Kylie hates to see her best friend moping like this. She forces Amy to come along to carnivals and amusement parks, and Amy does end up having a good time with her best friend.

Amy's hard work pays of when she gets a perfect score on the SATs. (She should've gotten extra credit for correcting a mistake on the test, but the SATs unfortunately didn't give out extra credit for that. Or any extra credit, that is, because Amy would've surely gotten the extra credit if it existed.)

Once again, she's the front runner for next year's senior valedictorian speech. As senior year starts beginning, Amy and Kylie frantically start applying to colleges.

"Maybe I should go to Princeton," Amy says one day as she and Kylie lie on the floor of Kylie's bedroom with a laptop open in front of them.

"Girl, apply for it. Go for all of it. Harvard, Yale, Oxford," Kylie says lazily.

"I don't want to go to college in Europe," Amy answers. "But you know what? Oxford would be _so_ cool to go to. It would be like going to Hogwarts."

Kylie already knows which university she wants to go to. Amy's planning on applying to many different colleges and waiting to see which ones accept her. After that, she's going to make several pro and con lists, and then start applying for scholarships, because she's got a lot of siblings and college is expensive. (That's right. Amy's got a Santiago Style binder labeled 'Picking a College.')

Later on, Amy starts receiving acceptance letters in the mail. "Why does _Amy_ get all of this mail? Are there no box tops in the mail for _us?"_ her younger brothers whine every time their father brings in the mail and hands a stack of letters to Amy.

She carefully pries them open, making sure not to damage the envelope, as she's going to put them all in her 'college acceptance scrapbook.' Amy spends late nights poring over her binders, before finally selecting a well fit school. Six months later, she receives a full scholarship to her dream school, and it's all that she could've ever wished for.

At the end of senior year, she's dating a boy named Paul and they're hitting it off pretty well before Paul tells her that he's going to college in Chicago. Amy really likes Paul, so she's willing to try long distance.

Amy's valedictorian speech is so far the highlight of her life. It's the best speech that she's ever written, and she only spent four years planning it out. Graduation goes wonderfully, and Amy is happier than ever with Kylie and Paul and her family.

It turns out that long distance may work for some couple, but it does not work for Paul and Amy. Amy finds out that Paul is a kind of party frat boy, and he's not very loyal to his and Amy's long distance commitment. Amy angrily breaks it off over the phone with him. It seems like he doesn't even care, so Amy erases his number from her phone.

She spends a year at college free, studying the criminal justice system day and night. Before long, however, another boy decides to appear in her life. Andrew hangs out in the library a lot, and she soon finds out that he's studying to be a doctor. Before long, Amy might have a small crush on him and starts studying with him.

He asks her out, and Amy accepts with a small smile on her face. Their relationship stays strong through most of college, though she wakes up sometimes at four in the morning to find Andrew sitting in her living room and studying.

She soon realizes that he's the first person that she's ever said "I love you" to. While she was dating Laura, the word was casually implied, but never actually said.

Amy passes her finals with flying colors and soon joins the police training academy. Andrew and her family support her through every step, and when she graduates, Andrew and her father both applaud her with smiles on their faces.

It's perfect. It's everything that Amy could have ever wanted.

Except when she starts off as a beat cop, she comes to the realization that she just doesn't love Andrew anymore. He's a really amazing guy, but there's just no _feeling_ with them anymore.

Andrew thinks so too, and they break it off on good terms and agree to stay friends.

And then there's Teddy. Teddy is handsome and charming, and they go on a few dates before Teddy gets transferred. Amy pours effort into her work until she can get a promotion and become a detective.

Her first day at the Nine-Nine is great. Amy loves it. She wants to get to know all of her coworkers, even scary Detective Rosa Diaz and snarky civilian assistant Gina Linetti. She wants to know jolly Detective Charles Boyle and even more about Detectives Hitchcock and Scully. (She takes that back later. The less she knows about those two, the better.)

The one person that throws her off of her game just slightly is Detective Jake Peralta. Whenever he throws a joke out towards her or playfully makes fun of something, memories of her old school days rush through her head. The mean boy in fifth grade. The boy who used to poke her arm when she wasn't looking in sixth. The singing valentine in seventh. The boy who took her cookie in the eighth. The boy who asked her to homecoming in ninth. Laura, who broke her heart in tenth. And then Paul, who cheated on her when they decided to give long distance a shot.

The two guys that hadn't been horrible to her were Andrew from college and Teddy.

When Jake argues with her or jokes with her, she finds herself wondering _what is happening._ She knows that Jake probably doesn't have a crush on her, but Kylie's voice echoes back at her. _"He's being mean because he has a crush on you. You know, little boy pulling little girl's ponytail."_

Except that Jake's not that. He's friendly. But he can be arrogant sometimes and does his best to prove himself better than Amy. Amy decides to humor him, because, she likes Jake. As a friend, of course. He's a cool guy.

So when she loses the bet and Jake takes her on the worst date in the world, everything about crush culture comes spinning back at her. He's horrible. Jake is horrible, and she hates this blue dress and she hates him. Amy is so relieved when Holt sends them on a stakeout.

During that stakeout, all of her hatred for Jake flies out of the window. He's her friend, and he was just messing with her.

So later on, after she gets back together with Teddy, it comes as a sharp shock when Jake tells her that he likes her before going undercover with the FBI.

She's not sure what to think. She likes Teddy, of course. Teddy's awesome.

But boring. Teddy Well is nice, but he is oh so boring.

And then Jake is nice to her. He's a gentleman, even when he's playfully joking.

And Amy's fallen hard for him.

She's kissing him in the evidence lockup with no regrets because Jake is perfect for her and she might just be in love with him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! thanks for reading this! comments/kudos are very much appreciated!  
> follow me on tumblr: @darkrosemind


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